>The only reason.

>I could see why many people get married and have kids.

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For a long time I didn’t understand why, sometimes I still don’t. I am going to put this realization in writing so that later, when I lapse in conscientousness, I may remind myself. On a side note, for my final Master dissertation, my faculty advisor crossed out every single “may” and asked that I replace it with “can”. However, for the purposes of this blog, and my own freedom of language use and grammatical incorrections, I choose “may”!

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It seems it is a natural cycle of a family that you are born into, to grow apart. Parents and children seperating is a stage in family development theory. Right now, this sucks for me. I want so much to have family be with me and us together just enjoying Ramadan. I would do anything for it.

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Sometimes I feel so desperate about my family coming together I think that I will never let my own family, someday in the future, grow apart like this.

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I want to find true love, like anybody on this earth. And I know I can’t make babies and get married to not become lonely anymore, but I could understand the purpose of making a family, and the perspective to take. It is not necessarily a “sacrifice” to have kids. Yes, you might be sacrificing things to provide for your child, but ultimately, there is some power and purpose that is created in my life, knowing that I could pass on my knowledge and perspective to my next generation. They won’t have to start over. My parents did, because they were in a war torn generation. But not my kids, at least not in the context that my parents experienced because they started over in a new culture. They struggled in utilizing family management strategies that worked in one culture, in another. Against all odds within American culture, they succeeded in raising three sensitive and conscientous women.

Maybe when I have kids, I can share with them what I have learned, that might empower them to be even better than I was when I was growing up.

I am not saying that I want kids. Or that I am having one. Or that my current boyfriend is a potentially good father. I have no idea about those questions.

Just out of the frustration I am experiencing with getting my family together and continuing our relationships, I find comfort in knowing that someday I can create my own family, and radically change the dynamics within. In hopes share with them what I have learned in my life, as they simultaneously teach me lessons as well.

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Anyway, I hope this makes sense to some of you. I hope that this doesn’t sound as blabbery as it feels.

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