>obstruct and facilitate
>A lot has changed for me lately, and I don’t feel the same anymore.
I usually dance with the present and hope for the future. I used to say that I never regretted anything. I used to rather be alone and single and almighty woman. I used to not care what other people thought. Sometimes, I have wondered if most my youth has been gravely misunderstood by me. I look back on it fondly, though at the time, I was trying to hide my insecurity and need for affirmation so badly that I told myself I didn’t care. Maybe I wasn’t so happy being alone, after all.
Today, I am unhappy about the change that I have encountered lately. I regret some things in my past. I would rather be with the people that I have extracted from my life and generally considered my closest friends. I care about what they think. Maybe this isn’t so bad after all. I realize that the precious healing I have been experiencing is truly because of the emotional assistance I am getting from those who care to know what I am going through.
I dont want to be dramatic. I need to stop complaining, and I am have generally been confused about why I am acting the way I am, and in what direction I need to head…. but I am trying to remind myself that amidst the haste and noise surrounding my life, there is no such thing as a state of perfection that is autonomous from defection. That is, when it comes to family.