When to walk away

>its always in the moment
when fear rushes over you
you can sense pain all over again
caught in this colorful tornado reminding you of what
once was.
what once was, is not reminiscent of what i wish it was
but now, when i look at you
i only see comfort and a future
you only see a hope you cannot pursue
and then it begins
a flash of moments that dont have words
but you know exactly what i am saying
and you know exactly what they mean.
will i ever move beyond
can i ever move away
i try, i fight i push and i deny
i crumble then scream then wish for you and I
in my own translucence
allowing a light to pass through
let there be no detail
let there be no color
because i dont know how
i will walk away.